Familial
by Settiai
Summary: Shepard hadn't expected the day to end with an interrogation about her love life. [Jay Shepard: Colonist, War Hero, Sentinel] :: background F!Shep/Liara


Shepard knew that she shouldn't be surprised. It had been one of those days from the moment she had woken up that morning, two hours earlier than she'd planned and with a crick in her neck that had yet to completely go away.

Somehow, though, she still hadn't expected the day to end with an _interrogation about her love life_.

"There's a lower-deck rumor that she's, uh, interested in you," Kaidan said, his face flushing just slightly. "As more than a source of Prothean data. She's a very interesting lady. Not to my, uh, tastes. But I never claimed to be big on alien culture."

Shepard brought her hand up to rub her suddenly aching temples, letting Kaidan stand there for a moment fidgeting. She'd hoped that she'd been imagining the growing hints that the lieutenant was nursing a crush on her, or at the very least that he'd have enough sense not to actually act on considering she was his _commanding officer_.

If she'd had any common sense, she would have shut it down ages ago, the moment she had first even suspected, but no. She had enjoyed their conversations, and instead of making it clear to him that she wasn't interested in him romantically, she'd apparently been leading the poor man on for weeks.

Damn it all to hell.

"I think I've heard enough," Shepard said tiredly, bringing her hands down. She met his gaze head-on. "I don't think you should be prying into my affairs."

Kaidan's face fell, although he did a decent job of hiding it.

"There's my answer, then," he said, forcing a smile. "I'm sorry to have bothered you, Commander. I got some mixed signals."

Shepard sighed. It was her own fault, and she knew it. She couldn't hide behind rank, not when she'd spent the entire mission so far making it clear that anyone on her crew could approach her about anything.

And a selfish part of her didn't want to lose the friend she'd thought she might be slowly gaining.

"Kaidan, I'm sorry," she started, not quite certain what else to say.

He swallowed. "With your permission, I should return to my duties."

She nodded, disappointed but not surprised, and started to turn away. Then she paused, mid-turn, and spun back around. "You know what, no," she said. "Not yet. First, I owe you an apology."

Kaidan let out a bark of humorless laughter. "Believe me, commander, you don't owe me anything."

"The hell I don't," she shot back. "I've enjoyed our talks, Kaidan. I really have. I didn't mean to let you think—that is to say—"

For the first time in years, words completely failed her.

"Shepard, it's fine," Kaidan said gently, taking pity on her and cutting in. "I get it. You're not interested. I'm sorry for even bringing it up."

"You remind me of my brother!"

Shepard flinched the moment the words left her mouth, hurried and desperate and not even remotely what she had planned to say. Part of her wanted to take them back, to push those memories back into the past where they belonged, no matter how true it might be.

Kaidan was staring at her, a baffled look on his face. "I—thank you? I think?" he said, the slight inflection at the end of his words making them sound a bit more like questions that he probably had intended. "I didn't realize you had a brother."

There was a sudden ache in her chest, one she was well familiar with.

She gave him a half-shrug. "We were twins."

Shepard could tell the exact moment Kaidan picked up on the fact that she had said _were_.

"Oh," he said, his eyes suddenly going wide. "_Oh._"

Neither of them said anything for a few seconds, an uncomfortable silence settling between them. Then Shepard groaned and reached up to run her fingers through her hair.

"His name was Robin," she said, pointedly not meeting his gaze. "Ask me to tell you about him sometime. Not today, because—just, not today. But ask me sometime."

Even without looking at him, Shepard could all but feel Kaidan's stare boring into her. She hesitated for a moment. Then, before she could change her mind, she said: "Ask me about my sister too."

Then, careful not to even glance at him, she turned and made a beeline for the safety of her quarters.

As the door was closing behind her, she thought she might have heard Kaidan say: "I will."


End file.
